BlogVixen, Vixen


OtherPayVanilla has been kind of stingy with the matches lately, I've only gotten 2 in the past several days. Today's match got eliminated for reasons of stupidity.

On his profile, it says:

The one thing Guy wishes MORE people would notice about him is: My intelegence

Wow. You can't even spell intelligence, no wonder people don't notice your intelligence.


BlogVixen, Vixen

Slimy does not impress me.

I got a message on SexSite that an be summed up as such: "OMG you are totally gorgeous and awesome and I know my profile says I'm single but I'm actually married and have a big sex drive but am not getting any sex at all and am looking to have a fling with someone amazing like you. I know your biggest concern is probably having my wife go all psycho and run at you with a chainsaw and everything, but I PROMISE you that will totally NEVER happen, I will make sure she NEVER finds out."

So, my response was direct and to the point:

To: Cheater
From: Vixen

Three things:

1. Cheating is slimy
2. If you're highly dissatisfied with as important a part of your marriage as your sex life with little likelihood of improvement, it's time to end the marriage, not to cheat.
3. You blocked out your eyes in your photo as if it would keep people who know you from being able to tell it was you. You are mistaken. I can guarantee that when I forward your email and photo to your wife, she'll recognize you in an instant.

If you're unhappy in your marriage, LEAVE - don't be an utter shit to your wife and drag her through years of lying and cheating - I can assure you, without even knowing her, that she DOESN'T want that - and when she does find out (because, I assure you, eventually she will), she'll be all the more hurt, all the more CRUSHED that you did this to her for so long instead of walking away and moving on so you could both find relationships which actually fulfilled you on all levels and didn't leave you dissatisfied.

Do her a favor. Do yourself a favor. Walk away.

And then DON'T call me - because I'll always know that you're perfectly willing to lie to and cheat on your partner rather than resolve your issues.


What was unexpected was his reply, shortly thereafter:

From: Cheater
To: Vixen

You know what? That was EXACTLY what I NEEDED to hear!!! I just can't fucking get up the nerve to leave her!!! But if I'm gonna cheat on you said it's even worse, because eventually she WILL find out, and she'll be even MORE devastated! I just don't know what the fuck to do! She has been through SOOOO much fucking BS these last few years with some real bad medical problems and I feel like such a fucking asshole that my need for sex could possible end our marriage. URGH!!!! I just don't fucking know what the hell to do! But I will say this, what you wrote REALLY hit home...and hit hard - like it should! I think the 1st thing that I should do is stop getting on this fucking crazy site....that way maybe I'll be able to keep my dick in my pants long enough to figure out what I should do.

Seriously though....thanks for the email. As harsh as it was, it was the total truth, and my god did I ever need to hear it!



An unexpected but positive result - I've done my good deed for the day!
BlogVixen, Vixen

Another from the WTF file...

As I was checking my email today on FreeVanilla, a message came in via the site's instant messaging system. I looked at the guy's profile. He was 3 hours away (I try to limit my dating to a one-hour radius), but he was cute, so I was willing to investigate further. Well, that is until this conversation ensued:

Him: hi

Me: Hi

Him: how are you

Me: Fine, thanks. You?

Him: im good

Him: were you spanked as a kid

Me: Excuse me?

Me: What kind of conversation opener is THAT supposed to be?

Him: sorry i like spankin have you ever been spanked

Me: You know what, as a matter of fact, I very much like to be spanked. But I also think that any guy who would think it a wise idea to open our first conversation with a question like that is NOT the sort of idiot I want in my life.

Me: Judgment. Use it. With the NEXT girl, because this one is SO not interested in you anymore.

And with that, I blocked him. FAIL!

BlogVixen, Vixen

Name dropping oops

So, I sent an email to the guy I went out with last night, that started with "Hi, Adam, I had a really nice time at dinner last night... BUT... yes, there is a but." and then I launched into an explanation of why his drunken performance last night had ensured he wouldn't be seeing me again. In the end, I suggested he consider better judgment on future first dates and wished him luck.

He responded, three words:

"My name is Austin."

Oh. Um. Oops? Really? I could have SWORN his name was Adam. I thought he told me his name. I scoured our emails and chats, not sure if I might have missed or deleted something, but couldn't find anywhere where he actually told me his name. I reeeeally thought it was Adam. Maybe I just guessed or inferred? His screenname was "aepeck" - I had him in my phone as Adam Peck. I guess I must have never actually addressed him directly by name.

Well, that would have been much more embarrassing if I'd not been in the midst of dumping him when I called him by the wrong name.

Oh well. I chose not to reply. No good could come of it.

BlogVixen, Vixen

Drinking on a first date

OK, kids, today's lesson is about drinking and first dates. Regardless of how much you drink on a regular basis, when going on a first date, you are trying to make a good first impression, so... just as you would if you were having dinner with a prospective employer, your new fiance's parents, or the president, you should keep your drinking to a minimum if you drink at all. One or two drinks is plenty if you're just having dinner, only a little more if you're spending the whole evening together. You don't want to give the first impression that you need (or want) to get drunk to be able to talk to someone (or just that you need it all the time). Rather, you want to give your date the impression that you want to be clear-headed and focused on getting to know them.

Unfortunately, the guy I went out with last night has not yet learned this lesson.

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BlogVixen, Vixen

From the WTF file...

Today's winner from BDSMSite clearly doesn't understand the idea of an introductory email - to express one's interest and make the prospect of getting to know you appealing to the object of your desire so they'll want to meet you. This guy did not have any photos on his profile, and ignored the stipulation in my profile that potential suitors include face photos with their first email. Instead he chose to belittle me, insult me, go off on a political rant, and propose, in business-like fashion, that I agree to meet him, sight unseen.

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BlogVixen, Vixen

OtherPayVanilla Date 1: Lesson Learned

My lesson learned from my first date with someone from OtherPayVanilla: always insist on seeing full length photos prior to meeting someone. Guy #2 had only one photo posted on his profile, a closeup of his face taken from a flattering angle looking sort of down on him. I was a little unsure based on the photo whether I'd be attracted to him, but I figured it was not necessary to ask for more photos, because I might not be able to tell any better until I met him. After meeting him, I'm fairly certain that photo is at least a few years old. And as soon as I walked into the restaurant and saw him, I knew this wasn't going to work. He had to weigh at least 300 pounds. And the part of him that I'd already seen in his photo (from the shoulders up) looked substantially heavier than his photo.

Now, this isn't to say that heavy = disgusting, but, having sampled all sorts of men in my time, I've found that my preference for long term intimate relationships is for men who are anywhere from trim to a few extra pounds. Everyone has their preferences, and I know quite a few ladies who dig the big dudes, but they're just not for me. Had I seen an accurate full length photo during the communication process, I would have politely rejected him and saved us both the time and energy involved in meeting.

The conversation was pleasant, he seemed like a nice guy, but I felt absolutely zero spark or chemistry with him. And that Italian restaurant I'd been looking forward to trying, the one which he said was quite good... was pretty sub-mediocre. So, I had a pleasant lunch with him and went on my merry way, with no intention of trying either of them (man or restaurant) again.

So it would seem that OtherPayVanilla neither takes one's body type preferences into account when making matches, nor displays anything about it on users' profiles - so from here on out I will be sure to see full length photos before I agree to meet anyone from OtherPayVanilla in the future.

Oh well, lesson learned.

BlogVixen, Vixen

That OTHER dating site, day four

Well, I've been on OtherPayVanilla for four days now, and it's time for an update on my experience so far.

First of all, there are a BUNCH of steps in between being sent a match and actually getting to TALK to your match. Each morning, you find a new crop of matches (usually 5-7, although today I only got one, *sniffle*) waiting in your inbox. You review their profiles, and reject any you don't like right away. I rejected most of mine - because they keep matching me with men who are at the very upper end of my acceptable age range (and look even older) or men with young kids (the site only distinguishes between having kids with you full time or not - part time parents are grouped in with non-parents). But those I like, I get to choose five out of 20 or so multiple choice questions to send to them. And then they do the same in return. Then I get to send them my list of 10 "must haves" and "can't haves" in a partner (chosen from a list of 50 or so qualities). Then he sends me his back. Then I choose a few open-ended essay type questions from a list and send them to him. He answers them and sends back his own for me to answer.

And THEN, then after ALL of that, we can exchange actual open-ended emails.

Seems like a lot, doesn't it?

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BlogVixen, Vixen

Time for something new

I've been doing this online dating thing for over three years now... with only moderate success. Well, really, I suppose you could say that I've had no success, if you consider that the ultimate goal is to find a life mate and I have yet to do so. But I consider myself to have had moderate success, because I've met some men who I enjoyed dating for a time, including several guys that I've been with for several months or longer, who were ultimately great guys with whom I didn't fall in love.

But still, here I am, still single, still dating, still frustrated at not having yet found love. Clearly, what I've been doing has not been working.

I am ready to try something new.

I am, in fact, ready to try something I've long scoffed at.

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