I met another guy from SexSite last night that had seemed somewhat promising, but was ultimately disappointing. We'd chatted online a fair bit and on the phone as well. He's a lawyer who recently moved to the area, and who, like me, shares a love of travel. Before we'd even met, he'd invited me to go on an international trip with him.
Whoa, getting a bit ahead of yourself, don't you think? He said he's planning a trip to Vienna this summer, and might I like to join him for a trip like that? I told him that IF we hit it off in person and IF we kept seeing one another and IF we were still seeing one another later this summer when the trip was approaching, I'd love to take such a trip together. But I wasn't about to commit to anything with someone I'd not even met much less determined if we were compatible enough to take a vacation together.
When we met in person, I knew as soon as I sat down that I wasn't going to be into him. His photo was of the 'hard to tell' variety, where he could end up being either very dashing looking, or he could be a dork. He went in the dork direction. It was as if each of his features in his photo was tweaked just a bit such that in person he looked like a slightly caricaturized version of his photo, and generally looked pretty goofy. I waited for his personality to de-goofify him, but it did not. Definitely goofy, and not in a good way.
And, at dinner, he was clearly still trying to get me to go to Austria with him. He mentioned that he'd just booked the trip and asked again if I might like to go with him. He asked questions about how my vacation time works out (like how much vacation time I get with my job and what sort of advanced planning/notice is involved with taking time off). I tried to answer vaguely about the amount of time I get and how I can take time off, and then deftly changed topics to other trips I want to take this summer to visit assorted family and friends around the country.
When we left, he walked me to my car and as we were saying goodbye, he asked if we could get together again, and I simply said "we'll see" and said goodbye.
I got an instant message this morning saying that he had a good time, but is going to assume that I was not interested. I responded saying his assumption was correct, and I just didn't feel dating chemistry with him, and then deleted and blocked him. Message delivered, no further communication necessary.
Seriously, I got an email in my inbox today from a website equivalent of a ladies' magazine like Cosmo with the subject line "Fat Day? Tired? Sex Positions for Every Scenario!"
I mean I've heard of bad hair days, but Fat Day?
OK, I'll bite. I clicked the link.
It was an article called "Sex Positions for Fat Days and More." The advice was ridiculous, in my opinion. The first section on "Fat Days" was silly-amusing, all about how to hide your paunch from your sweetie during sex rather than whining "Don't look at me, I'm so FAT!" and avoiding sex.
But the second section really made me snicker:
What you want: A zero-effort session where he won't notice if you nod off during the boring bits — plus speedy orgasms so you're spooning (and snoring) in no time.
Intimate instructions: Chances are you're already lying on your side, your back to his front (eyes determinedly shut despite his penis prodding you in the back), so this really is lazy-girl sex. Just lift your bottom to allow him to penetrate, and tighten your thighs for maximum friction while his hands reach around to stimulate your clitoris. To speed him up, make lots of satisfied groans and moans.
Sneaky tricks: If you're half asleep, your sexual system probably is too, so help it along by using lubricant. Save even more energy by ditching the usual in-out thrusting motion, and instead clench one buttock cheek at a time to rock you from side to side.
I was kind of incredulous after reading this - really? They're promoting putting zero effort into sex, and sessions where it's ok to nod off during the "boring bits"?!?! There shouldn't BE boring bits in the first place, and promoting being a lazy partner is no good. And then they basically say "fake lots of satisfied moans and groans to hurry him up and get him off more quickly so you can go to sleep"
WTF?! Seriously? Their advice amounts to: what to do when you're trying to fake sleep despite your guy's erection prodding you in the back is to lift a butt cheek and let him slip it in and then fake sounding like you're enjoying yourself so he'll get off more quickly and let you go to sleep.
They also advise, on shower sex: "your best bet is to face away from the water, because you move your head more than you think during sex, and water shooting up your nose is not hot." - you know, water that is pouring down from above my head ultimately shooting up my nose is never been a problem for me during shower sex, no matter how much I thrash my head around.
Then, in a section on what to do if you're having trouble getting off, they suggest "try the old "fake it till you make it" method. Pretend you're going into the throes of orgasm (clench your bottom and thighs and moan), and you may trick your body by providing all the triggers it associates with actual orgasm."
So... you've been in "almost but not quite there" phase for quite a while and you're getting frustrated at your inability to get over the edge and reach orgasm, and they're suggesting that if you just PRETEND you're going into orgasm, then you'll trick your body into having an ACTUAL orgasm.
I'm rolling my eyes REALLY hard and shaking my head. WTF?!
Whoever wrote this article is an utter idiot. They're not doing their readers any favors.