blogvixen (blogvixen) wrote,

Dating and Shopping

Ever interested in my tales of adventures in online dating, TheLibrarian forwarded me an article about online dating which likened dating to shopping for a mate, and asserted that some people (particularly people in big cities where there were lots of dating choices) were never happy because they couldn't stop looking to trade up to something better, couldn't stop shopping.

I thought the article was thought provoking, but it didn't give enough credit to the many people (like me, dammit) that don't fit the dating generalizations they were asserting. In the wrapup, I took issue with this statement in particular: "Giving yourself over to love shouldn't mean lowering your standards or limiting your hopes; it just means you've got to be willing to quit shopping. But if there's one thing we urbanites know, it's that the shopping part can be pretty damn fun."

I agree that love shouldn't mean lowering standards, but it's oversimplifying to say you've got to be willing to quit shopping, as if all you need to do to have love and happiness is just quit dating, and stick with whomever is available in your life right now - whether you've found an appropriate partner or not.

I agree that you should quit shopping once you're in a relationship and not be one of those people always looking to trade up, but you shouldn't lower your standards and settle for whatever's in front of you (no matter what it is) just so that you can stop shopping. Once you find someone with whom you've got a real chance for love and happiness, then you should quit shopping and hoping you just might find something better until you see whether what you've got is what you want for the long term.

But that bit about the shopping part being "pretty damn fun"...

Fuck that, no it's not. That's the most frustrating and annoying part of finding love. If you want to liken dating to shopping, it's like saying "I need a cute little black cocktail dress. That should be simple enough to find, right? Everyone needs a little black dress. I don't have a real specific idea about what characteristics it must have, it just needs to fit well and look good on me. That should be easy."

Then in reality, you go shopping thinking you might take a couple of hours tops, but you end up exhausted at the end of an 8 hour day of shopping involving 3 malls and eleventy bazillion stores and you've STILL not found a dress you like. You've bought a lot of other unnecessary crap along the way and wasted a LOT of time getting in and out of your clothes trying on dresses that didn't ultimately fit.

And still, you don't have your little black dress. Or your settled for one that wasn't QUITE what you wanted, but would just have to do because you just don't have the energy to keep searching and you're willing to settle.

That's no good. Screw that. Who would have thought it was so hard to find a little black dress? Or love?

Tags: musings
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