As I was checking my email today on FreeVanilla, a message came in via the site's instant messaging system. I looked at the guy's profile. He was 3 hours away (I try to limit my dating to a one-hour radius), but he was cute, so I was willing to investigate further. Well, that is until this conversation ensued:
Him: how are you
Me: Fine, thanks. You?
Him: im good
Him: were you spanked as a kid
Me: Excuse me?
Me: What kind of conversation opener is THAT supposed to be?
Him: sorry i like spankin have you ever been spanked
Me: You know what, as a matter of fact, I very much like to be spanked. But I also think that any guy who would think it a wise idea to open our first conversation with a question like that is NOT the sort of idiot I want in my life.
Me: Judgment. Use it. With the NEXT girl, because this one is SO not interested in you anymore.
And with that, I blocked him. FAIL!
I got a message on SexSite that an be summed up as such: "OMG you are totally gorgeous and awesome and I know my profile says I'm single but I'm actually married and have a big sex drive but am not getting any sex at all and am looking to have a fling with someone amazing like you. I know your biggest concern is probably having my wife go all psycho and run at you with a chainsaw and everything, but I PROMISE you that will totally NEVER happen, I will make sure she NEVER finds out."
So, my response was direct and to the point:
1. Cheating is slimy
2. If you're highly dissatisfied with as important a part of your marriage as your sex life with little likelihood of improvement, it's time to end the marriage, not to cheat.
3. You blocked out your eyes in your photo as if it would keep people who know you from being able to tell it was you. You are mistaken. I can guarantee that when I forward your email and photo to your wife, she'll recognize you in an instant.
If you're unhappy in your marriage, LEAVE - don't be an utter shit to your wife and drag her through years of lying and cheating - I can assure you, without even knowing her, that she DOESN'T want that - and when she does find out (because, I assure you, eventually she will), she'll be all the more hurt, all the more CRUSHED that you did this to her for so long instead of walking away and moving on so you could both find relationships which actually fulfilled you on all levels and didn't leave you dissatisfied.
Do her a favor. Do yourself a favor. Walk away.
And then DON'T call me - because I'll always know that you're perfectly willing to lie to and cheat on your partner rather than resolve your issues.
What was unexpected was his reply, shortly thereafter:
You know what? That was EXACTLY what I NEEDED to hear!!! I just can't fucking get up the nerve to leave her!!! But if I'm gonna cheat on her...like you said it's even worse, because eventually she WILL find out, and she'll be even MORE devastated! I just don't know what the fuck to do! She has been through SOOOO much fucking BS these last few years with some real bad medical problems and I feel like such a fucking asshole that my need for sex could possible end our marriage. URGH!!!! I just don't fucking know what the hell to do! But I will say this, what you wrote REALLY hit home...and hit hard - like it should! I think the 1st thing that I should do is stop getting on this fucking crazy site....that way maybe I'll be able to keep my dick in my pants long enough to figure out what I should do.
Seriously though....thanks for the email. As harsh as it was, it was the total truth, and my god did I ever need to hear it!
An unexpected but positive result - I've done my good deed for the day!
OtherPayVanilla has been kind of stingy with the matches lately, I've only gotten 2 in the past several days. Today's match got eliminated for reasons of stupidity.
On his profile, it says:
The one thing Guy wishes MORE people would notice about him is: My intelegence
Wow. You can't even spell intelligence, no wonder people don't notice your intelligence.