March 21st, 2010

BlogVixen, Vixen

Counting FAIL

Today I got a message on FreeVanilla that put me on edge, because I think this is one of the stupidest and most annoying questions to be asked my someone you encounter in online dating:

"hi...sweet profile...and u are such a sexy woman...how come u r single??"

I can't tell you how many times I've been asked the "gee you're great, how come you're still single?" question in my Adventures in Dating. What's the right answer to that? I mean, obviously I'm still single because I haven't found a satisfactory match for myself. What am I supposed to say? "Because I'm crazy and the men I date get sick of bailing me out of jail every few weeks"? "Because I haven't found a man with a big enough penis yet"? "Because I have standards and refuse to settle for someone who isn't interesting, intelligent, sexy, and emotionally stable"? There's no good answer to this question. When asked directly, I usually say something about not having found the right guy yet. But I find the question asinine.

So... I checked out this guy's profile. He claimed to be seeking intelligence in his mate, but his profile lacked evidence of his own. Rife with spelling and grammar errors and run-on sentences, it read as if he'd consulted a website on trite sayings about relationships and just copied each one verbatim. I was already about ready to pass on this guy when I read the following sentence, that sealed the deal:

"i Believe that 4 things is very important in a Relationship weather it is Romantic or Friendship these points are Communication , Respect , Honesty ,Trust , Care and Love ,as that Order this is my point of view looking at Relationships"

So... I responded to his email:

"If I judge by your profile, it would seem that I am single because I find men who can't even count to six a turnoff. FAIL."

-Vixen
BlogVixen, Vixen

Lying FAIL

Men are just full of fail this morning. After reading the message from the idiot who couldn't count to six, I got a message on BDSMSite from a guy who was full of fail in another way. An artist full of flowery words, he included a link to his website. I perused it, and unlike the juvenile art of bARTender, actually found it to be quite pleasing in an abstract kind of way. But I noticed something on his website bio - it talked about his educational background, and I noted "Geez, he graduated from college when I was four years old! His profile didn't say he was THAT old..."

So, this was my response to him:

"Methinks you must be lying about your age. If, as your website says, you got your BFA in 1978, that would put you as 18 years my senior, not the 12 years that the age on your profile indicates.

I don't appreciate liars, no not one bit.

FAIL."

-Vixen