When last I wrote, I’d just had my second date with TheLibrarian, which went much better than expected. While he was shy enough on our first date to be unsure if even a hug goodnight was OK, on our second date… well, once we were past the “first kiss” hurdle, all bets were off, and we had chemistry in spades, spending hours making out. I was impressed not only by our chemistry and his surprisingly passionate nature, but by the fact that despite the fact that we were alone on the couch making out for several hours in VERY hot and bothered fashion, he never once tried to “push the boundaries” and move our makeout session past just making out. That wins him major brownie points with me, and I was very much looking for our next date (which, I anticipated, would likely be the “bow-chicka-bow” date.

And oh, it was, it was.

( Read on for the juicy details )

The other day, I was sitting in a nail salon getting a manicure, when my phone rang. I looked down to see it was Craig. Now, he and I still keep in touch fairly regularly, but it's mostly online (or in person) - getting a phone call from him was unusual, so despite my occupied state, I answered. He told me he had a bit of juicy gossip for me. He was flipping through the local news online, and came across a surprising story that he just had to share with me...

Remember Frank, the little Asian guy who I encountered on SexSite but ultimately rejected prior to meeting, the little Asian guy who also was on Craig's kickboxing team?

Well Frank and his brother were arrested for a credit card skimming scam - as in they'd installed a device to steal peoples' credit card numbers when they swiped their cards at gas pumps.

Wow, well, OK then. Craig said it looked like I'd made a reeeeeally wise decision when I decided not to meet lil' ol' Frank.

I concur.

-Vixen

Well, that went better than expected... after sending TheEngineer a nice email dumping him but leaving the door open for friendship, I didn't hear back from him for long enough that I was beginning to think I might not hear from him again. However, I did.

( Read on to see what he said... )

So, you go out with somebody a few times. You obviously were interested in them enough for that second and third (or more) date(s), but something in those first few dates convinced you that you and this person are not meant for one another. They didn't do anything wrong, you're just not feeling a strong connection with them. How do you let down that person easy, being straightforward and avoiding leading them on, while also sparing their feelings?

This is something I've been considering a lot the past few days. My time with TheEngineer has been enjoyable, but in general I've not felt any romantic or physical sparks between us, and even if I had, he's such a terribble kisser that it would be a deal breaker for me. But he's a perfectly nice guy, one I wouldn't mind keeping as a friend if he's up for it. I certainly don't want to hurt his feelings, and telling him "I'm sorry, I can't date you, you're a horribly bad kisser, wanna just be friends?" just isn't necessary.

So, how do you nicely dump someone in the early stages of dating without hurting their feelings?

( Read on to find out... )

Last night I had my third date with TheEngineer. Again, a very pleasant evening together, but again, I found myself questioning our physical chemistry. We met for dinner and had a nice meal with nice conversation, nothing stellar on either front, but it was all very pleasant. We'd planned on going to see a movie, but we had a substantial amount of time in between dinner and the movie, and since he lived just a few blocks from the restaurant, we decided to go to his place for a while.

OK, to be more accurate, I decided we should go to his place for a while.

( Read on to see how it went... )

I went on date #2 with TheEngineer last night. All told, it was a very nice date. We had fantastic Cuban food, and I was very proud of myself for finding a new restaurant for him to try that had so very many tasty vegetarian options for him (which, according to him, is a rarity with Cuban places). After dinner, we went bowling, which we were equally terrible at, running neck and neck in our suckitude throughout, making just as many gutter balls as strikes. We lightly flirted throughout the games, exchanging hugs after good frames, and light physical contact indicating we were fairly comfortable with one another (such as him putting a comforting arm around me as I mock pouted after guttering yet another ball).

( Read on to see how the date ended up... )

Remember the creepy doofus from the last Unintentionally Hilarious Online Dating Profile of the week who basically said he's a vampire and he and his bug-eating sidekick are going to hunt me down, give me an acid bath, and lick my eyeballs? And who had a photo of his hand with a wedding band on it and said it's a symbol of his vows with God?

Yeah, well he contacted me.

( Read on for the exchange... )

When I last spoke of TheMarine, I closed by saying "As for TheMarine... he's in a holding pattern... not writing him off just yet, but I won't put much more thought or energy into him until he returns to town and makes an effort to get together." Initially he seemed very enthusiastic about us, and then had gone to his house in the mountains for a few days after bailing last minute on our last planned date, but said he wanted to get together again upon his return. Well, days in the mountains ended up turning into weeks. I talked to him online here and there while he was gone, but it was usually when I'd notice his screenname online and say hello, and we never talked for more than a few minutes at a time and never in depth. He was non-committal about when he'd be returning, because he kept extending his trip. He wasn't exactly giving the impression that he missed me or was looking forward to seeing him again.

One Sunday, after he'd been gone two and a half weeks, I saw him online and asked if he'd be returning that week. He said he'd actually gotten back a couple of days ago.

Oh gee, thanks for letting me know.

( Read on to see what else happened... )

After my lame and puzzling second date with Mini on Saturday, I gave some thought to how I would dismiss him, since I felt fairly certain that he'd be in touch shortly about getting together again. I decided to go for the honest and straightforward approach. Rather than just telling him generically that I wasn't "feeling it" with him and didn't want to see him again, I thought I'd give him some feedback on the mixed messages he sent and the lack of chemistry I was feeling.

Well, I didn't hear from him the rest of the weekend or on Monday or Tuesday, so Wednesday when I saw him online on Yahoo IM, I thought I'd strike up a conversation with him and get it out of the way.

( Read on for the chat log... )

For some reason, after posting last week about Los Lonely Boy, the crazy cat lady whose loneliness was palpable through the computer, I didn’t immediately give him the boot, I kept talking to him. It was partially his sad-and-lonely thing that kept me talking to him, partially my desire not to squish his lonely like a bug, and partially that he’d not actually asked about meeting yet. So when he’d IM me, I’d talk for a few minutes and go on my merry way. Well, last night he finally got around to asking if I was interested in meeting, and I was honest with him. I told him I had major reservations about meeting him. His loneliness concerns me – he seems very sad. Furthermore, he has no friends, and I don’t want to be his entire social life – that’s a lot of pressure. I have my doubts that we’d share much in common as far as interests and personality styles, and there’s that whole “crazy cat lady” thing too. And the fact that he’s got a kid.

So I was honest with him about my reservations, and then firmed it up from “I have reservations” to “you’re not the right guy for me”. He took it pretty graciously. And then I gave him some unsolicited advice about A. not getting frustrated that all the women you find on your dating site are just looking for sex when you’re on SEXSITE, and B. when you use derogatory terms to refer to women (even if it’s not the woman you’re talking to), it gives the impression that you have no respect for women and it will TURN THEM RIGHT OFF. Hopefully for his sake he’ll take my advice to heart and find himself a nice happy sad little woman to make his sad self more happy.

( Read on for the advice phase of that conversation… )

After my 5th date with Fargo, I was left with a few doubts about how good he'd be as a long term match. After our conversation this evening, there remain no doubts. We had a long conversation online (and not on the phone, he said, because he gets bad cell reception in his apartment, but it probably because he has a hard time communicating about topics like we discussed in person). Here's the gist of the conversation:

( Read on.... )

After our impromptu Fourth Date Thursday (with the bow chicka bow), Fargo and I agreed to keep our original plans for Saturday night, which involved him cooking me dinner and me baking a cheesecake to bring for dessert. Friday evening, when I was on my way home from a visit with friends that'd had me out of cell coverage for a while, I got a couple of texts from Fargo (in the wrong order, which made them confusing) basically saying that he thought he was probably going to have to work late tomorrow, that I may want to make other plans, because he'd likely be late and in a foul mood. I called him to discuss it. He didn't answer.

In my experience, when, the day after having sex with a guy for the first time, he comes up with an "I've got to work" excuse for not keeping your plans for the next time, this is not a good sign, no matter HOW enthusiastic he'd seemed when you were together. My eyebrow was dubiously raised. He could be telling the truth, he could be trying to blow me off. Unfortunately, no way to know... other than perhaps calling his bluff.

( Now you know you need to find out what happened... )

When last I posted, I was looking forward to my fourth date with Fargo Thursday evening, an impromptu get together 2 days before our originally planned weekend fourth date. I arrived at his apartment, and he greeted me with a warm kiss. Hello's and how were your days were exchanged, and we kissed again, but this time more sensuously for a much longer time.

After a minute or two, he paused in between kisses to say "I don't think I could have waited until Saturday..." As we continued our empassioned kisses, I began to wonder if we'd make it out to dinner as planned. Clearly, there was an undeniably strong physical chemistry between us and a lust neither of us would be able to deny much longer.

( Read on to see what happened... )

Three dates in three days. And lots of texting in between. Hmmm, I think this Fargo maybe likes me ;)

In our text conversation on Monday before our date, we got onto the topic of sex (and how long to wait).

( read on to see the conversation... )

When last I posted, it was Sunday, and after staying up most of the night with Fargo, I was looking forward to spending the evening with Nancy and seeing Fargo again on Monday for date #2. Well, as it turned out, Nancy had headed home by 9:15, and I started talking with Fargo. He mentioned that he'd like to see a movie I'd told him about sometime, and I said that I could show it to him that evening (since it was still early by my standards), but it would mean keeping him up past his bedtime. He gets up early for work, and had told me he is usually in bed by about 11. Considering I'd kept him up till 5am Saturday night, I didn't think he'd be up for being up late again.

He said "Well I did get a lot of rest today..." and suggested I come on over. After assuring he knew that I was coming over to really watch the movie and not jump in bed with him and after sending Nancy his address so she'd know where to send the police if I disappeared, I headed over to his place. I didn't get there until about 11pm.

( Read on to see how it went... )

So, Sam came back through town last night on his way back from his training seminar, and as planned, stayed with me again. He didn't get in until 8:30 or 9, and by that time we were both pretty hungry, having barely eaten all day. He had commented the other day that he'd noticed there was a Red Robin in town, and he'd not seen one since a trip on the other side of the country a few years back, and he would loooove to go there. He seemed really excited about what's basically just a chain burger joint, but he lives in a small town in the mountains, so I guess there's not a lot of that up there.

When it was time to go, I asked if he was ready to go have fried eggs on things that fried eggs aught not rightly go on. I was referring to the fact that he put fried eggs on top of his pancakes at dinner the other night, and that we'd both talked with a dreamy look in our eye about the restaurant's Royal Red Robin Burger (which is basically a bacon cheeseburger with a fried egg on top).

His response was "Sure! So where are you going to put it? On your breasts? Your ass?"

I responded "Hmmm, that will have to wait until AFTER dinner."

( Read on for what happened next... )

I've only seen Craig a couple of times since he told me I was exactly the sort of woman he'd want to date if only he had the time and energy to devote to dating right now. But it (plus our online conversations) have been enough to convince me of his sincerity about continuing to develop our friendship. We had some plans that fell through last weekend, so he suggested getting dinner and a movie this past Friday. He suggested seeing the new Disney Earth movie. While I admittedly love me some great nature documentaries and watch entirely too much discovery channel, I also admittedly was more in the mood for on of the great summer blockbuster action flicks that's out right now. But it was his suggestion, so I said sure, why not?

( Read on to see how it went... )

I had big disappointment tonight. After dinner and snuggling up through a movie, Craig and I got to talking, and he basically said that he's given the whole "what he wants" thing a lot of thought this week, and come to the conclusion that he doesn't want to be dating anyone right now. And that if he did want to be dating right now, I’m exactly the sort of woman he’d want to date, but that he doesn’t have the time and mental energy to devote to a relationship right now, and so he wants to continue getting to know me and building our friendship, but without it being sexual because he can't be friends with benefits without it leading to emotional attachment for him.

( Wait, what? Yeah, I know. Read on for more details... )

When last I posted, I was gearing up to go to a shindig with Mitch and Alice while Craig was out of town at a martial arts competition, a shindig that would include Craig's circle of friends, and Craig's very recent ex-girlfriend.  That all went quite nicely, I must say.  The ex was, as expected, a very pleasant and sweet girl, and was plenty friendly to me.  Then again, she didn't know I'm dating her ex-boyfriend.  While Craig was a frequent topic of conversation among his friends that evening, I kept my mouth shut where he was concerned, since I didn't think it was my place to announce that we were dating, especially when he wasn't there and his ex-girlfriend was.  So, most people there probably were under the impression that I didn't know anyone in their circle of friends besides Mitch & Alice, when in fact, I know Craig and several other of their absent friends who came up in conversation.  

After Craig got back from his trip, he posted a bunch of photos to his Facebook account of his team from the martial arts competition.  And there was one person in particular who looked AWFULLY familiar.  He's a little asian guy named Frances, and he looks an AWFUL lot like a guy who hit me up on SexSite a year or two ago.  We chatted for quite a while and eventually made plans to meet for lunch.  I gave him my usual confirmation call instructions, but he didn't call to confirm - so I didn't go meet him.  Apparently he actually DID want to meet me, and he tried numerous times over the next few months to get me to reconsider and give him another chance.  Eventually I got annoyed by it and just blocked him, having long since decided that he wasn't the guy for me.  Despite having a kickin' body, he was kind of short and I'd decided I just didn't find him that attractive - so add that to the fact that he couldn't be relied upon to do something simple like make a confirmation call for a date, and I decided he wasn't worth my time.

And, as it turns out, he's on Craig's martial arts team.

SMALL FUCKIN' WORLD!

Now, it COULD be a totally different guy.  But really, how many little asian dudes named Frank are there running around town?

I told Craig.  We chuckled over the small world thing.

How odd.

-Vixen

Things are still going pretty spiffy with Craig. After we parted ways Sunday, we got together again Wednesday evening. He was planning on leaving Friday morning for a martial arts competition for several days, and this was the only time we could find in our schedules to get together before then. And even then, our time was limited. He had martial arts training after work and an early morning at work the next day, so we met for a late dinner (without plans for anything afterwards). While I'll admit I was craving some time snuggled up on the couch instead of across a wide restaurant table, we had a really good time across that table, and spent two hours talking about everything from crazy dating stories to books to politics to religion. That part, the interpersonal chemistry part, is really good between us.

( Read on for oodles more... )