I feel like I’ve told this story a hundred times. In fact, I probably have, just never here.  I’ve mentioned Jerkson, the asshole ex I was actively trying to forget, a number of times over the course of my blogging about my Adventures in Dating this past year, but I’ve never told that story.  The story that started it all.  The story that made me say, once and for all, I am SO through with broken men.  Steve Jerkson: Adventure 0.

I guess it’s time.

Greetings, BlogVixen readers!  Time for an update on some of my ongoing dating adventures...

When last we checked in on me and Sean,  we spent memorial day picnicking and shooting photos at a local botanical garden.  We had a very nice time, but I'll admit I've been questioning whether we have chemistry beyond that of friendship.  I know from the mutual friend that introduced us that he's a total sex fiend (and that his overhigh sex drive was a problem in his recently ended marriage), so I thought we might have some compatibility there. I also knew from our friend that he's very much a one woman kind of guy, not the sort to play the field, which our friend saw as both a good thing (not a slimy playa type), and a bad thing (that he dives in and completely wraps himself up in and becomes dependent on whatever woman he's with).  Because he is VERY recently separated (and due to the reasons our friend told me his wife left him), I had determined before we even went out that even if he wanted to dive into a relationship with me, it wasn't gonna happen annnnnytime soon.  Given how dependent he was on his ex-wife, I needed to see that he could be happy, healthy, and independent on his own before I got into anything serious with him - I didn't want him to jump straight from wrapping himself up in her to wrapping himself up in me.

So, we've been out a couple of times, and as I said, I've really enjoyed spending time together, but I've questioned whether we have chemistry beyond friendship.  We shared several kisses and they were... well... not terribly exciting.  Kissing is HUGE to me - if a guy's not a sexy and passionate kisser, we'll definitely have compatibility issues. Well, in fact, if I were evaluating him for imminent romantic relationship potential based entirely on those kisses, I probably would have eliminated him after date 2.  But he's cool and had big friend potential, so I left it at "wait and see" (as in "wait and see, maybe kisses in a more intimate non-public setting would be... better?").

Oy.

So, I just had a long talk with OldSoul, my sexy 25 year old who I mentioned in my last post, updatey goodness.  We've been emailing back and forth in recent days about what he's been going through with the impending death of a loved one.  We had an online chat tonight for the first time in a while, and he revealed a bit of information which will knock him permanently off the "relationship prospect" list and into the "friends only" list.  He's not only been struggling with his relative's death, he's been struggling in general.  For a long time.  Since adolescence, in fact.  Over the past 10 years, he's had diagnoses that bounced back and forth between major depression, bipolar disorder, and possibly even schizophrenia, and has been on tons of different meds, ranging from antidepressants to bipolar meds to antipsychotics (often at the same time).  

Aaaaaaand 4 months ago he quit all his meds and stopped going to therapy.  He said he was on so many meds for so long and with so many diagnoses and was still miserable and was convinced the drugs were making it worse.  He says he's felt better these past 4 months than he has in 10 years.  He's still unhappy and still struggling, but still far better than when he was on the meds.  Yet lately he's been struggling with racing thoughts, insomnia, and nightmares.  

In trying to communicate how he feels and what he's been going through, no joke, he likened his struggles to that of Heath Ledger just prior to his death, as well as those of the schizophrenic physics genius in A Beautiful Mind. 

Whoa.

I just hit the psychiatric jackpot!

And he seemed so normal.  *LeSigh*

Wow. Sooooo maybe he's on the road to having his shit together and maybe (probably) not.  But one of the few things on my "absolute eliminating factor for relationship consideration" list is psychiatric problems.  Been there, done that, am NOT about to do it again.

Ahh, such a shame.  I'll stick around as a friend if he feels like reaching out, but, um, yeah.  There will be no crazy boyfriends for the Vixen.

-Vixen 

I found today's winner on PayVanilla.  He was attractive, intelligent, and charming, and after one email exchange I was ready to meet him, but figured jumping into an online chat first would be prudent. We chatted for a while and he seemed fabulous, like we'd have tons in common.  When he told me what kind of work he did, however, my stomach dropped.  There are only 2-3 small companies in the area where he could do that kind of work... and when I asked, sure enough, he works at the same company as Jerkson, my last fucknut of a long term relationship who managed to break my heart not once but twice before I cut him out of my life.  Buuuut apparently he doesn't know him more than in passing, so I let it slide.

We chatted a while longer, and he really seemed fabulous.  Intelligent, charming, witty, and we share a ton in common.  He seemed wonderful!  I was about to invite him out to dinner but choked on my words when he dropped this "I guess I should tell you this if you're going to meet me" bomb on me:  For the last year or more, he's been struggling with some as-yet undiagnosed ailment that has caused his body to stop producing testosterone.  It has left him frequently depressed and with a low sex drive.  He's declined the only treatment his doctors have been able to offer him (testosterone shots) because in the long term it could lead to sterility and he wants to have kids some day.

Wow.  Mr. Wonderful just quickly became Mr. No Way.  Those are like 3 of my top eliminating characteristics with men: depression, low sex drive, and wanting kids.  Maybe working with my detestable ex-boyfriend should be added to that list too.

So, yeah, not so much.  Not wanting to kick a man when he's down, I didn't tell him that I would rather rub a cheese grater over my eyeballs than date a guy who's depressed and has zero sex drive... I just said that given that I don't want to have kids, we're not a good match.

Criminy.

-Vixen

Chris, Mr. 4th date guy, has been quite the enigma.  When I see him he is friendly and chatty and sweet... and then we part ways and I don't hear from him for a week or more.  He doesn't return phone calls and emails, he says he'll call and doesn't, he says he wants to get together later in the week, and then flakes out without getting in touch.  And each time, just when I'm irritated to the point of saying "screw it" and writing him off, I hear from him, he apologizes for being bad about getting in touch, and for some reason, something keeps me coming back.

Because something keeps telling me "He's not an insensitive prick who's prioritized you so low that he can't be bothered to take 30 seconds to return an email/text message/voicemail... there's more going on here."  And on many levels we get along well.  All the aforementioned issues with reliably staying in touch have already caused me to pull him out of the potential romance pool, but he's a good friend candidate, and, well... the sex is outstanding.  

Ok, I'll admit it... that is probably what keeps me from writing him off completely - the sex is damned fine, and I've already got him mentally in the "friend" category - and I put up with a lot more shit from my friends than I would from a romantic partner.

So last night I'm driving home thinking that I haven't heard from him in a week (despite the fact that he'd said he wanted to get together on the weekend and that he swore he'd get in touch), and he must be done with me (or that I should be done with him)... and that it's time, once again, to write him off and figure I won't hear from him again.