I feel like I’ve told this story a hundred times. In fact, I probably have, just never here.  I’ve mentioned Jerkson, the asshole ex I was actively trying to forget, a number of times over the course of my blogging about my Adventures in Dating this past year, but I’ve never told that story.  The story that started it all.  The story that made me say, once and for all, I am SO through with broken men.  Steve Jerkson: Adventure 0.

I guess it’s time.

It's been a week since The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly and it's been on my mind a lot.  I mean, with a DramaBomb like that, it's no wonder that when my mind is idle it reverts analyzing and re-analyzing everything that happened.  When we parted ways, Nate had a few DVDs of mine, which, in our last conversation, I said I wanted returned.  He was in "I'm so so so so sorry for putting you through all this I'm such an ass and you deserve so much better" mode, so he swore left right up and down that he'd get them to me.  When I asked how exactly he planned to do that (being the carless wonder and all), he said he'd mail them to me.  I bit back the bitchy comment that immediately sprang to mind, which was "with what money, exactly, are you going to do that?" and just said fine, also ignoring the fact that unless he was pretty darned attentive the many times he was at my place (always driven there, never getting there on his own), he wouldn't know my mailing address.

But it's been bugging me that he has my DVDs.  I want them back.  I mean, it's not like it will be hugely expensive to replace them, and it's not like I hadn't already spent far more money on him on our vacation and more, it's the principal of it.  I feel like given everything I did for him in our short time together (in terms of emotional, material, and financial support), spending 3 bucks to mail a few DVDs back to me is really the very LEAST that he can do.  

So...  today I wrote him an email.  I wanted to make sure he had my address and reinforce that I would still like him to send my things back, and... well...  I couldn't resist putting one last dig in there at him.  When we ended things, I was entirely mature, didn't swear at him and call him a piece of shit lying loser, I didn't say any of the MANNNNY things I could have to make him feel utterly SHITTY about himself and what he's doing (or not doing) with his life.  But in retrospect, thinking about everything as I have this past week, well yeah, I'm pretty ticked off about it all.  So, since I was so nice about it before, I couldn't resist getting just a wee bit ugly this last time I contact him.  I fully realize that my chances of actually getting my things back would be much better if I were nothing but peaches and cream with him, but hell, it's just a few DVDs, and the opportunity to point out what a FUCKING IDIOT he is for getting back together with CrazyEx, if it costs me my DVDs, will have been well worth it..  

Greetings, BlogVixen readers!  Time for an update on some of my ongoing dating adventures...

When last we checked in on me and Sean,  we spent memorial day picnicking and shooting photos at a local botanical garden.  We had a very nice time, but I'll admit I've been questioning whether we have chemistry beyond that of friendship.  I know from the mutual friend that introduced us that he's a total sex fiend (and that his overhigh sex drive was a problem in his recently ended marriage), so I thought we might have some compatibility there. I also knew from our friend that he's very much a one woman kind of guy, not the sort to play the field, which our friend saw as both a good thing (not a slimy playa type), and a bad thing (that he dives in and completely wraps himself up in and becomes dependent on whatever woman he's with).  Because he is VERY recently separated (and due to the reasons our friend told me his wife left him), I had determined before we even went out that even if he wanted to dive into a relationship with me, it wasn't gonna happen annnnnytime soon.  Given how dependent he was on his ex-wife, I needed to see that he could be happy, healthy, and independent on his own before I got into anything serious with him - I didn't want him to jump straight from wrapping himself up in her to wrapping himself up in me.

So, we've been out a couple of times, and as I said, I've really enjoyed spending time together, but I've questioned whether we have chemistry beyond friendship.  We shared several kisses and they were... well... not terribly exciting.  Kissing is HUGE to me - if a guy's not a sexy and passionate kisser, we'll definitely have compatibility issues. Well, in fact, if I were evaluating him for imminent romantic relationship potential based entirely on those kisses, I probably would have eliminated him after date 2.  But he's cool and had big friend potential, so I left it at "wait and see" (as in "wait and see, maybe kisses in a more intimate non-public setting would be... better?").

Somebody broke my record.  It keeps going 'round and 'round playing the same tune OVER and OVER again, and I don't know about you, but I'm sure sick of hearing it, and am ready for the next track already.  The entertainment factor for this tune is lonnnng since past.

What the hell am I talking about?  Take a wild guess.

Got stood up again.  Several times.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

Again.

I mean REALLY now, come on, this is getting ridiculous.  I'd think it funny if it weren't happening to me.  As it is, it's just exasperating, frustrating, and disenheartening.

Yeah, this weekend really really kinda SUCKED...

Oy.

So, I just had a long talk with OldSoul, my sexy 25 year old who I mentioned in my last post, updatey goodness.  We've been emailing back and forth in recent days about what he's been going through with the impending death of a loved one.  We had an online chat tonight for the first time in a while, and he revealed a bit of information which will knock him permanently off the "relationship prospect" list and into the "friends only" list.  He's not only been struggling with his relative's death, he's been struggling in general.  For a long time.  Since adolescence, in fact.  Over the past 10 years, he's had diagnoses that bounced back and forth between major depression, bipolar disorder, and possibly even schizophrenia, and has been on tons of different meds, ranging from antidepressants to bipolar meds to antipsychotics (often at the same time).  

Aaaaaaand 4 months ago he quit all his meds and stopped going to therapy.  He said he was on so many meds for so long and with so many diagnoses and was still miserable and was convinced the drugs were making it worse.  He says he's felt better these past 4 months than he has in 10 years.  He's still unhappy and still struggling, but still far better than when he was on the meds.  Yet lately he's been struggling with racing thoughts, insomnia, and nightmares.  

In trying to communicate how he feels and what he's been going through, no joke, he likened his struggles to that of Heath Ledger just prior to his death, as well as those of the schizophrenic physics genius in A Beautiful Mind. 

Whoa.

I just hit the psychiatric jackpot!

And he seemed so normal.  *LeSigh*

Wow. Sooooo maybe he's on the road to having his shit together and maybe (probably) not.  But one of the few things on my "absolute eliminating factor for relationship consideration" list is psychiatric problems.  Been there, done that, am NOT about to do it again.

Ahh, such a shame.  I'll stick around as a friend if he feels like reaching out, but, um, yeah.  There will be no crazy boyfriends for the Vixen.

-Vixen