The other day, I was sitting in a nail salon getting a manicure, when my phone rang. I looked down to see it was Craig. Now, he and I still keep in touch fairly regularly, but it's mostly online (or in person) - getting a phone call from him was unusual, so despite my occupied state, I answered. He told me he had a bit of juicy gossip for me. He was flipping through the local news online, and came across a surprising story that he just had to share with me...

Remember Frank, the little Asian guy who I encountered on SexSite but ultimately rejected prior to meeting, the little Asian guy who also was on Craig's kickboxing team?

Well Frank and his brother were arrested for a credit card skimming scam - as in they'd installed a device to steal peoples' credit card numbers when they swiped their cards at gas pumps.

Wow, well, OK then. Craig said it looked like I'd made a reeeeeally wise decision when I decided not to meet lil' ol' Frank.

I concur.

-Vixen

This weekend I spent some time hanging out with Craig. We, along with a couple of other friends, went to dinner and a movie, and then ended going back to Craig's place to hang out for a few hours. This was the first time I've actually been to Craig's place, which is still all torn up mid-renovation (one of the reasons he cited for keeping him from having time to dedicate to a relationship). What I found remarkable about this little visit was that I encountered a puzzling phenomenon I have encountered quite a few times over the years which I shall call... Bachelor Bathroom. This is a phenomenon I have only ever encountered in bathrooms inhabited entirely by boys. I have literally never encountered this phenomenon anywhere where any women are living. What is Bachelor Bathroom? It is, quite simply, a bathroom that smells like boy pee.

Yes, I could smell it practically as soon as I walked into the house, and it was almost overwhelmingly strong in the bathroom, the strong scent of adult male urine. Not animal urine, not child urine, this is the distinct scent of MAN PEE.

I wasn't necessarily disgusted. I was surprised, because Craig is a pretty fastidiously tidy and pulled together kind of guy, so I wouldn't have expected him to suffer from Bachelor Bathroom. In a way it humanized him a bit, so I wasn't put off.

But this phenomenon of Bachelor Bathroom really puzzles me. Like I said, I have never encountered this phenomenon anywhere where women reside. You can take five men and one woman, all complete slobs, and there will be no scent of Man Pee emenating from the bathroom. But men on their own... and it totally happens. The only reason I can figure for it is that men, when there are no women around to chastize them, and especially if they have a tendency towards occasional intoxication, are extremely careless with their aim in the bathroom. From the scent their bathrooms acquire, I imagine they're walking into the bathroom sleepy or drunk and just waving their sticks all around as they pee, dousing the walls and floors and ceilings with their pee (possibly hooting "woooooooooooooohoooo!" as they go).

Apparently, though, there is something about having a woman living in the house that reigns in this male tendency to spray down their bathrooms with pee, because I've never seen it happen in a home inhabited by women. Hell, there was a time when I was married and due to collective laziness and passing off bathroom cleaning as being the other person's turn, our bathroom went for many months without being cleaned. There was a bit of dust and detritus here and there, and a tiny bit of easy-to-clean toilet bowl discoloration, but never did our bathroom acquire the Eau de Boy. I think that fear of catching hell about it caused my ex-husband to take more careful aim (and to be more likely to clean it up when his aim was untrue).

But boys... left to their own devices... will mark their bathroom territory like they're living deep in the forest, and not notice that the scent is anything out of the ordinary.

I think maybe they're proud of it. Or trying to mark their territory so that no one else will want to use it.

Yeah, that might just work.

-Vixen

My central air conditioning system has decided that a mid-90s heat wave is a splendid time to refuse to work. And the AC repair people have basically told me that due to the age of the system and the cost of repair, I may as well replace the whole damned system (grr). I was chatting with Craig about it, comisserating over shared AC woes (his system's on the fritz too), and he mentioned that a buddy was going to fix it on the cheap, the same buddy who put a new system in at his mom's house. It just so happens I have a day full of appointments for AC estimates tomorrow, so I asked for his friend's number for another estimate - I'd much rather give my business to a friend of a friend than a stranger. I left a message for Craig's friend, who called me back not too long thereafter.

"Hi, this is Joe Smith, how are you doing?" the friend greeted me on the phone. I said hi, and before I had a chance to say anything else, he said "I bet you're HOT!"

My first reaction to this had nothing to do with air conditioning. My brain was registering the caller as "friend of friend who you've not met before", not as "AC repair dude" - so when he said "I bet you're HOT!" my brain registered it like one of a bazillion brainless boys I encounter online who would say such a thing, as in "I bet you're sexy as hell!"

It took a second for my brain to register "It's 90+ degrees outside. He's an AC repair guy. You called him because your AC is busted. He does not know you're sitting in your nice cool office. He is suggesting that you must be awfully warm without AC."

Oh.

Oops.

So I was a bit delayed in my response of "...OH! Yes, yes, I am."

Heheheh. So, Mr. Hot AC Guy will be by in the morning to give me an estimate.

And until then, I will be here, wilting with my hotness in the sweltering heat.

Thank GOD for ceiling fans.

-Vixen

I've only seen Craig a couple of times since he told me I was exactly the sort of woman he'd want to date if only he had the time and energy to devote to dating right now. But it (plus our online conversations) have been enough to convince me of his sincerity about continuing to develop our friendship. We had some plans that fell through last weekend, so he suggested getting dinner and a movie this past Friday. He suggested seeing the new Disney Earth movie. While I admittedly love me some great nature documentaries and watch entirely too much discovery channel, I also admittedly was more in the mood for on of the great summer blockbuster action flicks that's out right now. But it was his suggestion, so I said sure, why not?

( Read on to see how it went... )

I had big disappointment tonight. After dinner and snuggling up through a movie, Craig and I got to talking, and he basically said that he's given the whole "what he wants" thing a lot of thought this week, and come to the conclusion that he doesn't want to be dating anyone right now. And that if he did want to be dating right now, I’m exactly the sort of woman he’d want to date, but that he doesn’t have the time and mental energy to devote to a relationship right now, and so he wants to continue getting to know me and building our friendship, but without it being sexual because he can't be friends with benefits without it leading to emotional attachment for him.

( Wait, what? Yeah, I know. Read on for more details... )

When last I posted, I was gearing up to go to a shindig with Mitch and Alice while Craig was out of town at a martial arts competition, a shindig that would include Craig's circle of friends, and Craig's very recent ex-girlfriend.  That all went quite nicely, I must say.  The ex was, as expected, a very pleasant and sweet girl, and was plenty friendly to me.  Then again, she didn't know I'm dating her ex-boyfriend.  While Craig was a frequent topic of conversation among his friends that evening, I kept my mouth shut where he was concerned, since I didn't think it was my place to announce that we were dating, especially when he wasn't there and his ex-girlfriend was.  So, most people there probably were under the impression that I didn't know anyone in their circle of friends besides Mitch & Alice, when in fact, I know Craig and several other of their absent friends who came up in conversation.  

After Craig got back from his trip, he posted a bunch of photos to his Facebook account of his team from the martial arts competition.  And there was one person in particular who looked AWFULLY familiar.  He's a little asian guy named Frances, and he looks an AWFUL lot like a guy who hit me up on SexSite a year or two ago.  We chatted for quite a while and eventually made plans to meet for lunch.  I gave him my usual confirmation call instructions, but he didn't call to confirm - so I didn't go meet him.  Apparently he actually DID want to meet me, and he tried numerous times over the next few months to get me to reconsider and give him another chance.  Eventually I got annoyed by it and just blocked him, having long since decided that he wasn't the guy for me.  Despite having a kickin' body, he was kind of short and I'd decided I just didn't find him that attractive - so add that to the fact that he couldn't be relied upon to do something simple like make a confirmation call for a date, and I decided he wasn't worth my time.

And, as it turns out, he's on Craig's martial arts team.

SMALL FUCKIN' WORLD!

Now, it COULD be a totally different guy.  But really, how many little asian dudes named Frank are there running around town?

I told Craig.  We chuckled over the small world thing.

How odd.

-Vixen

Things are still going pretty spiffy with Craig. After we parted ways Sunday, we got together again Wednesday evening. He was planning on leaving Friday morning for a martial arts competition for several days, and this was the only time we could find in our schedules to get together before then. And even then, our time was limited. He had martial arts training after work and an early morning at work the next day, so we met for a late dinner (without plans for anything afterwards). While I'll admit I was craving some time snuggled up on the couch instead of across a wide restaurant table, we had a really good time across that table, and spent two hours talking about everything from crazy dating stories to books to politics to religion. That part, the interpersonal chemistry part, is really good between us.

( Read on for oodles more... )

When last I checked in about Craig, I was looking forward to finding out what kind of surprise he'd planned for me for our third date. When Saturday arrived, I decided to make my own surprise for Craig. And it was... gingerbread! When talking about how he's trying to put on weight for his martial arts training, I joked about fattening him up with gingerbread a la Hansel and Gretel. So, as a surprise, I baked him miniature bite sized gingerbread cupcakes with caramel cream cheese icing :) I showed them to him when he arrived to pick me up, and he got a great big grin on his face appreciating both the effort and the joke, thanked me, and ate a few on the spot.

( Read on to see how the date went! )

As I mentioned before, Craig is a close friend of Mitch's, and Mitch and I have been lovers as long as we've been friends (which is to say about 8 years) - however, we've turned on and off our sexual connection several times depending on other factors in our lives and relationships. He knows that when I get into a relationship with someone, that will mean no more nookie for him for the time being. But he is far more interested in seeing me happily dating than in ensuring that he gets to keep boffing me, so he's been very supportive of me dating Craig - he thinks it's a splendid idea. Over dinner earlier this week, after date 2, but before we'd made plans for date 3 (so I was still unsure if he WANTED a date 3), Mitch and I discussed the whole me-dating-Craig thing, and agreed that if Craig and I did, in fact, continue to see one another, Mitch and I would stop any sexual interactions - even if there's not yet an agreement or expectation of exclusivity between Craig and I yet, given the close nature of their friendship, Mitch doesn't want to potentially step on any toes or otherwise risk causing any problems with Craig and I going forward.

( Read on for more... )

So far, things are going well with Craig.  We've only had 2 dates, but lots of conversation since and date #3 planned for this Saturday.  We seem to have tons of interpersonal and physical chemistry, and all signs are pointing to "yay!" but I'm still in "wait for the other shoe to drop" mode, wondering when it will all go south.  I am not happy that my Adventures in Dating have left me this jaded.  But I am happy to be seeing someone who has me far more cautiously optimistic than usual.  I hope it goes somewhere, but even if it doesn't, I'm just enjoying spending time with him. 

And he's funny, too!  We were chatting online about how he's trying to put some weight on to his very lean form (*drooool*) so he can compete in a higher weight class in martial arts, and this exchange ensued:


Vixen: Note to self:  Only cook highly fatty foods for Craig.  And gingerbread.  Lots and lots of gingerbread.  Gots to fatten him up. :P

Craig: lol

Vixen: You be Hansel, I'll be Gretel.

Craig: sounds like a plan

Vixen: That could be kinky. No, wait, incesty.  Nevermind.

Craig: if you can't keep it your pants, keep it in your family

Vixen: ROFL


OK, well, at least *I* thought it was very funny. 

Looking forward to Saturday...

-Vixen

So, as I last posted, I was looking forward to date #2 with Craig on Sunday evening.  I didn't want to admit to myself how much I wanted things to go well, as I didn't want to set myself up for disappointment... like if I tell myself it will probably go poorly, I won't be as upset if it does. Buuuuuuut I think he's really spiffy, so, yes, I did want things to go well! Our first date went very well, but I'd barely talked to him all week, so I didn't really have a sense of how he was feeling about things.  I was more nervous than usual before the date, wanting everything to be perfect.  I spent a good bit of the day tidying the house and preparing the food and just hoped it would all go well.

( Click here to see how it went! )

When last I posted, I was looking forward to a date with a friend of Mitch's who I met at a party years ago and recently reconnected with on Facebook.  Mitch gave him very high praise, and I was hopeful that we'd hit it off well, since I remembered him being really cool when we'd hung out all those years ago, and since we're both good friends with Mitch, I figured there was a good chance we'd get along.  Plus, if we started dating regularly... well I already know a lot of people in his circle of friends, so I know I'd fit in with his pals pretty well!

So, we met up Monday evening, and while I was hoping for the best, my jaded little self was expecting the worst, and expecting for us to have zero chemistry in person.

I am pleased to say, that wasn't at all the case.


( Read on for all the juicy details... )

I tried to resist it. I really did. For a long long time, friends pestered, badgered, and cajoled me to join Facebook. I resisted the temptation, thinking I didn't need ANOTHER time suck vortex like MySpace and the other online web communities and dating websites in my life. There's something about Facebook that seems so cult-like... its users seem compelled, really compelled (moreso than on other social networking websites) to get non-members to join the fold. Eventually, I felt my resolve crumbling. With each new person who told me enthusiastically that I really needed to join Facebook, I felt like I was one step closer to giving in. And eventually, a few weeks ago, after two people told me in the same day "girl, you really need to join Facebook!", I gave in. I did it.

I joined the Facebook cult.

And now I get it. And now, I, too, am trying to get other people to join in. They got me with their brainwashy goodness.

And already, it's proving to be good for my Adventures in Dating.


( Read on for more... )