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Here's how it went. Our mutual friend, John, was invited to a party I was throwing. When he arrived mid-party and introduced his friend, I (and many of the other guests) just assumed the man accompanying John was his date. I'm not close enough to John to be kept abreast of his breakups and new beaus, so I just assumed this was the flavor-of-the month. bARTender looks to be about the same general size, age, style, and attractiveness-level of men that John usually dates, so we all just assumed bARTender was his date (and therefore gay). It didn't even occur to me that his 'date' was actually the same bARTender I'd encountered online some months earlier - the photos he'd shared were a bit fuzzy, and frankly, he looked nothing like what I pictured from the photos I'd seen.
( Read on to see what happened... )
Well, he's not too bright. He forgot about it all and contacted me again, this time on SexSite.
( Read on for the story... )
You'd think this would have been GOOD news to bARTender. Not so much. When I told him about it, his reaction was SO negative and freaked out that it gave the impression this guy has a lot to hide and I'm best off NOT meeting him.
( Read on for the chat log... )
( Read on about the fantastic arty goodness... )
Sex-focused online dating sites like SexSite and BDSMSite typically have gender categories that include the usual male and female categries as most dating sites, but also a TS/TV/CD category - which is Transsexual, Transvestites, and CrossDressers. I'll admit to a bit of a fascination with transsexuals... I dig chicks, I dig dicks... so chicks with dicks (in theory) could be kind of hot. Unfortunately, most are not (although check out the documentary Trantasia for the most beautiful and female-looking transsexuals you've ever seen), and most in that category are, in fact, rather masculine looking crossdressers.
But what you really don't see, like... ever... is hermaphrodites. People who are true hermaphrodites, born with the sexual characteristics and organs of BOTH genders, are truly rare. I'd imagine most of them don't want to be part of the online freak parade.
But I found one.
One who, I'm pretty sure, is legit.
You have GOT to read this...
Every now and then I get people who email me on one dating site or another intimating that we've met before (sometimes it may be hard for them to tell for sure, if I don't have face pics posted with the profile). Usually they're forthcoming about how and where they think we know each other, but sometimes they're just cryptic, which is a bit creepy (I know you, but I won't tell you how).
This one was so continually cryptic and obtuse that it made it feel as if my head were about to explode.
I met Nate on BDSMSite a few months ago. We've been in touch sort of sporadically on and off ever since, one or the other dropping out of touch for a while and having lots of missed connections. So while we've been in touch for a few months, we'd had very few actual conversations. His photos were interesting, but he fell into the category of "could be cute could be... not." - it was hard to tell. So, while I wanted to meet him (to figure out one way or another whether we might be compatible), on both looks and personality, I really had no idea how much chemistry we might have.
We made plans to meet Saturday night at a local restaurant and pool hall, so we could have some dinner, and if we were hitting it off well enough that we wanted to continue our date with a post-dinner activity, we could shoot some pool. When Saturday rolled around, he called me mid-day to confirm our plans. It just so happened that when he called, I was in the midst of treating myself to my first ever visit to a day spa. When I called him back on my way home, we had our first ever phone conversation. He had a nice deep voice and and easy to talk to personality. As we chatted, I described the spa treatments I'd just had, which included a body wrap treatment that involved the applicationof several different layers of lavender scented products. Nate commented that lavender is one of his favorite scents, one of those scents that just makes him weak. I said that with all the products they'd applied to me, he'd probably get plenty of scent of lavender (and resolved not to shower off the scent before our date). He chuckled in that "oh boy, I'm in trouble" kind of way, and said he'd do his best to control himself ;)
After our conversation I was looking forward to our date more than before - we were already off a flirtily good start.
Enjoy!
-Vixen
I've decided to start a regular new feature in my blog: Unintentionally Hilarious Online Dating Profile of the Week. The screennames are changed - a little bit - to protect the not so innocent - the rest is alllll them.
This week's genius on BDSMSite went by the moniker MadAssMaster. The profile below was accompanied by a neck-down naked photo of a black man with a jaw-droppingly large penis. I mean, like, wow big. But despite his claims at being an, um, interlectual, he's not the sharpest tool in the shed by a long shot. Read on for the text of his profile - it is verbatim, and I've even bolded the more amusing parts for ya. Enjoy!
-Vixen
I met first ran into NotDeep online a few months ago on BDSMSite or SexSite (or both?). He was attractive and we had several conversations, but they just never went anyplace that interesting. His answers were always short (brief sentences at most), and he rarely went past small talk or suggestive flirtation. And the small talk was... well... small. When doing the usual back and forth getting to know you stuff, he was short on detail and elaboration, short on personality. So... I figured this was not a good sign of in person compatibility (or much general intelligence or personality), so blew him off nicely, and sent him on his merry way.
A few months later, he contacted me again. He asked me to give him another shot (he's consistently been nothing if not persistant) and I was feeling magnanimous so I figured why not, I'd give him another go at conversation and see if maybe I judged him too quickly before and there was some depth of personality I'd missed the first time around.
Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut not so much.
Our conversations continued, like the first time around, to be full of short quips and flirtations and no substance. I found myself ignoring his IMs more and more often, and finally today decided to tell him (more or less) you're short on personality and I don't want to meet you, now bugger off. Rather than accepting my far-more-nicely-than-that worded blowoff, he tried to convince me that no, really, he IS a deep guy. I gave him an opportunity to prove me wrong. Several, in fact.
Sadly, he wasn't anywhere near successful in that effort, much as he (apparently?) tried.
I met Hank on BDSMSite - so we started out knowing we had a shared interest in kink, which is a good thing. He's a career military guy (but not your typical military guy in any sense of the word), and had been stationed for the past few years across the country from me. When we first connected, he was in the process of preparing for a permanent move to my area 2 weeks hence. After a brief online chat, we got on the phone with one another, and instantly connected. Over the next week or so, we talked on the phone anywhere from 1 to 3 hours each day - we talked about everything under the sun, and found that we're incredibly compatible, both as friends and as mates. We have a lot of commonalities in our early lives, past relationships, approaches to life and communication and relationships and all that good stuff. Our common goals and approaches to relationships, communication, and sex just blew us both away, making us think we might be VERY well suited for one another - and we agreed heartily that even if we met in person and had zero physical chemistry, we've found a good friend in one another, and will pursue that regardless.
I open my email on BDSMSite and start reading...
"lookin for kinky or curious females to watch me shit on cam--"
BEEEEEEEEEEEP! I couldn't click delete quick enough...
-Vixen
So... I log into BDSMSite and see an email from a guy with no photo on his profile (and none attached to the message)... the subject line is "willing to meet u".
I'm thinking snarkily "Oh really? You're WILLING to meet me? How very lucky for me."
I should note that it says very clearly on my profile that if you do not have photos on your profile, attach them to your initial message (or explain why not and when they'll be forthcoming) or I won't reply. So when someone sends me a pictureless message, I can be pretty darned sure they didn't bother to read my profile, which is grounds for immediate disqualification.
Not exactly holding my breath to see if he'll explain in his message why there's no photo attached, I click on the email. Ooooh, it gets better. Here's the email in its entirety:
email me pretty lady . i am ready to meet u.francois the best you ever meet.
I think we have a winner! (where's that eye-rolling emoticon when I need it?) He's the best I'll ever meet, huh? Wow, that's depressing.
So, just for shits and giggles, I thought I'd check out his profile, which, after an introduction like that, is sure to be filled with intelligent banter, uh huh.
And the entirety of his profile text is:
i want to meet pretty nice woman.iam nice young man very smart looking for very good how can understand me and vice-versa 
Wow. Dude, are you serious? I think that he's saying he's easy to understand and can understand others easily... but I'm not sure because his english skills are so poor that I can't understand what the hell he's trying to say.
Should I thank him for providing me with blogfodder?
Nah, I think I'll just delete.
-Vixen
But we'd had some really interesting conversations, and our first date resulted in some nice making out, so I figured he had potential in the sexual realm and thought I'd give him a go.
- Mood:
amused
We went out to lunch a couple of times... but it didn't go anywhere. Largely because on our second date, he told me very nonchalantly that he doesn't like sex. Wait, what? You are on a sex-centric website seeking to meet other people with similar sexual interests to yours, but you don't like sex?
OK, you're DEFINITELY not the guy for me.
- Mood:
confused
Recent experiences have taught me the lessons that A. a great first date does not indicate that there will be a great second date, B. a great first date does not indicate that there will be ANY second date, and C. I really don’t get men nearly as well as I might have thought.
- Mood: confused
When I re-entered the singles dating scene, I decided to go the online dating route. I don’t drink, so I’m not much for the bar scene, and I figure I’ll greatly increase my chances of finding someone I want to date if I’m actively seeking to meet new people. Plus, really I was no stranger to online dating. For a dozen years and through three relationships, I’ve been a swinger, and my partners and I have used the ‘net to meet new friends and playmates.
I decided to spread out my efforts over several different types of dating sites, and I’ve been having get-to-know-you first dates at the rate of a few a week (but few second dates). Since I’ll be referring to them a lot in this blog, I thought it might make sense to discuss the dating sites I'm using. I don’t want to provide advertising for these sites (nor do I want blog readers to seek me out there), so as with the people I discuss in this blog, I’m going to give them pseudonyms.
- Mood:
chipper
