I've been seeing TheLibrarian for about a month and a half now, and so far, things are going swimmingly. We're still in non-exclusive land for the time being, but are really enjoying our time together. He is, as I've previously mentioned, still very fresh out of his marriage, and not settling immediately into another relationship is probably a wise idea. In addition to seeing me, he's been seeing another woman who's married and in an open polyamorous relationship, which makes for an interesting dynamic. I don't really see her as 'competition' in the sense that he's dating us both and trying to decide which of us he wants to "pick" for an exclusive long term relationship - as this other woman isn't available for that. He's not endeavouring to date anybody else, as between me and this other woman, he's got his hands quite happily full.

( Read on for more... )

When last I wrote, I’d just had my second date with TheLibrarian, which went much better than expected. While he was shy enough on our first date to be unsure if even a hug goodnight was OK, on our second date… well, once we were past the “first kiss” hurdle, all bets were off, and we had chemistry in spades, spending hours making out. I was impressed not only by our chemistry and his surprisingly passionate nature, but by the fact that despite the fact that we were alone on the couch making out for several hours in VERY hot and bothered fashion, he never once tried to “push the boundaries” and move our makeout session past just making out. That wins him major brownie points with me, and I was very much looking for our next date (which, I anticipated, would likely be the “bow-chicka-bow” date.

And oh, it was, it was.

( Read on for the juicy details )

This week's Unintentionally Hilarious Online Dating Profile comes to us from FreeVanilla. This guy seems to have real issues with capitalization (not to mention spelling and grammar).

This is his profile:

Journeys

.movies,travel anywere,sports,classic rock ,to retirer young and have fun untill i'm old i'm easy going type person who love's going to classic rock concerts and football games,traveling to the Beach and the Mountains and some Beautiful woman who Love's To Have Fun And A Good Time With The One They Really Want To Be WITH And No GAMES OR DRAMA!!!!!*****.

go out for pizza and a movie or play some pool go swimming or if you want to get romantic a candelit dinner for two with soft music in the back ground and some slow dancing with hot,hot,hott passion and romanace in the air OR What Ever The Lady I'm With Wants To Do So Lets Just Have Some Fun And Have A Great Time To Remamber As Years Gose By With A Real Nice Smile And A Sparkle In Our Eyes.

Not too egregious, right? But read the email he sent me, and I dare you, I DARE YOU to see if you can make it all the way through his message without your eyes bleeding.

( Read on for the... ow. )

My latest small world connection is of the sad variety. An old friend from high school IM'd me on Facebook the other day. He's someone I was never particularly close to, but he's a frequent (and entertaining) Facebook poster, and we've gotten in the habit of commenting on one anothers' posts frequently. He said he was feeling kind of down, and I asked why.

He said "Oh, I guess you haven't heard..."

( What hadn't I heard? )

The other day, I was sitting in a nail salon getting a manicure, when my phone rang. I looked down to see it was Craig. Now, he and I still keep in touch fairly regularly, but it's mostly online (or in person) - getting a phone call from him was unusual, so despite my occupied state, I answered. He told me he had a bit of juicy gossip for me. He was flipping through the local news online, and came across a surprising story that he just had to share with me...

Remember Frank, the little Asian guy who I encountered on SexSite but ultimately rejected prior to meeting, the little Asian guy who also was on Craig's kickboxing team?

Well Frank and his brother were arrested for a credit card skimming scam - as in they'd installed a device to steal peoples' credit card numbers when they swiped their cards at gas pumps.

Wow, well, OK then. Craig said it looked like I'd made a reeeeeally wise decision when I decided not to meet lil' ol' Frank.

I concur.

-Vixen

I had my second date with TheLibrarian Saturday night – it didn’t go at all as anticipated…

On our first date, which, as it turns out, was his first since splitting with his wife, he was (particularly at the end of the date) a bit on the shy and nervous side, unsure if it was even ok to hug me goodbye. I wasn’t sure yet whether this was due to the “hasn’t dated in 11 years” factor, or if he is just generally a timid guy when it came to matters of intimacy. Having had no physical interaction with him on our first date besides that hug goodbye, I had no inkling about whether we’d have any physical chemistry to augment the good interpersonal chemistry that was building between us, but experience has taught me not to get my hopes up, so my expectations were low for date #2.

( Read on to see how it goes )

Sometimes it amazes me, the sorts of offensive crap men will spout in their introductory emails. They'd never dream of saying these things to a woman they met, for example, in a bar, yet somehow they lose all common sense (and all semblance of internal filters) when they use these lines to contact a woman online.

Case in point, today's message from a genius on FreeVanilla:

Love your hair........and those eyes.......lips.......tongue......and last but not least......those gorgeous white breastssssss. Lets play!!


My reply:

No.

Not a chance.

You wouldn't walk up to a woman in a bar and say something like that, would you? You'd probably get slapped.

It doesn't work any better here.

You're offensive, and you'll never get a chance at these "gorgeous white breastssssss." So go away now, and don't come back.

-Vixen

My latest dating candidate is, as you might have guessed already, a librarian. He works at the library of a local community college, and knows a lot about a lot of things - which I dig. Geeky cute smart guys turn me on! We have a lot of common ground, which is good, but there are a couple of things that are potential cause for concern. First of all, he's very recently separated from his wife - as in his wife just moved out a month and a half ago (after a long period of looking for a place). On the subject of the cause of the split, TheLibrarian said this: "Well it all boils down to this. She is really, really into parrots. I'm not." The other concern is that he's on medication for depression. One of my oft-repeated relationship patterns which I am not eager to repeat is getting involved with men who suffer from depression. In fact, ever since Jerkson, psychiatric problems are generally an immediate disqualifying factor for me. BUT... I'm going to give TheLibrarian a chance and get to know him a bit better before judging on this one, because... my trouble with depressed men in the past has been that I have ended up involved over and over with men who struggle with depression, but are resistant to seeking treatment and/or medication for their chemical imbalance. Being involved with someone who chronically can't deal with his own shit is miserable.

However, in TheLibrarian's case, it seems far more likely that this was a situational depression caused by the miserable downslide of his marriage, and he got treated, got it under control, and got divorced. He said with meds and exercise, he does just fine. "Not living with parrots is helping a lot too."

So... I'm going to see how it goes.

( Read on to hear about our date... )

I just got this charming email on FreeVanilla:

Hey, I know I'm much too far away from you so that I probably won't even get a reply, and probably too young too, which is sad. I just wanted to let you know that you look absolutely awesome, I really love your hair and everything in your pics. I'm almost speechless :)

Kisses and all the best for you


Aww, well wasn't that nice? I couldn't tell from the email what he looks like or where he is, so I clicked on his profile hoping he's not so far or young...

...but Whoa.

Far and young is an understatement.

He is in Germany. And he's 18 - that is, if you believe his profile, because he damned sure looks more like 14. He's a very slender (and tall, if you believe the 6'3" on his profile) and pretty blond-haired boy... the first thing that came to mind when looking at his photos was "twink" (the term used in the gay community to refer to young slender prettyboys). The second thing that came to mind was that he looks like a long lost member of Hanson. Or like he aught to be hanging out with other young and emaciated boys in a calvin klein ad.

He's pretty, and I'm flattered, but even if he were local (and of verifiably legal age), I wouldn't be going there.

-Vixen

You know, even the most submissive of women don't generally want a guy to approach them for the first time by asserting the male's dominance and the female's worthlessness. I doubt BDSM's ever been more than a fantasy for this guy from SexSite:

His email:
I will send a face pick when ready slave, u do not bark orders to anyone...u need to be taught your place....i think that u have not been trained properly and need a good flogging to get your mind right maybe a little humiliation is in order and also alot of nipple torture to remind u of who is in charge of your pussy, ass, tits, and your mind.

My reply:
Hahahahaha that was funny.

No, not with you, now way, no how, not a chance, not going to happen.

-Vixen

Today’s winner contacted me via SexSite. He seemed to be a thoughtful and somewhat interesting chap with varied experiences and similar interests. He expressed an interest in finding a partner with whom he could explore tantra (a spiritual sexual practice of Eastern origin that involves multi-hour sessions with repeated and/or extended orgasms for both parties). I have some interest in tantra myself, so despite the fact that he says on his profile that he’s more or less “passing through” this area and will likely only be here a few more months, I thought at least talk to him and see if he might be worth meeting. As I’ve mentioned before, my sex life has had a bit of a dry spell lately, so the thought of taking on a new playmate for a few months with whom to explore tantra sounds like it could be very enjoyable for a time.

( Read on to see what happened... )

I met today's winner on PayVanilla. He seemed fairly attractive in his photos, and we exchanged some pleasant emails and instant messages, had a 2 hour long phone call, then met for dinner the following evening. Lots of little things added up to... vaguely stalkeresque creepiness that had me cutting him loose after our date right quick.

( Read on to see what happened... )

Why, why, WHYYYYYYYY??? Why must I always be such a freaking poly magnet? YET AGAIN, I was contacted by someone who, in our emails and IMs seemed totally awesome and a great match for me... that is until I found out that he has a kid. And a WIFE.

He contacted me on FreeVanilla and we exchanged several very thought provoking emails about life, relationships, healthcare reform, and more. He IM'd me and we had a very nice conversation that showed that we had much in common, until...

( Read on to see what happened... )

This week's Unintentionally Hilarious Online Dating Profile of the Week comes to us from FreeVanilla. His pictures are mostly fuzzy but do feature one clear portrait of a below-average looking swarthy guy of indeterminate Mediterranean or middle eastern descent with very long, curly hair. His spelling atrocious, his profile consists mostly of the repeated phrase "peace and love," and his email to me was such an assault on the English language that it was comical. To protect his privacy, I tweaked some details (other than the words themselves) in his screenname and email address, but everything else that follows is... graciously untouched. No further explanation necessary, this comic gold speaks for itself.

-Vixen

( Read on for the hilarity... )

TheMarine resurfaced tonight, almost a month after I told him if he was serious about getting together again to do so or I'd lose interest and move on, and he told me he'd talk to me later that evening.

As you can imagine, that conversation didn't go well for him.

( Read on for the conversation )

Well, that went better than expected... after sending TheEngineer a nice email dumping him but leaving the door open for friendship, I didn't hear back from him for long enough that I was beginning to think I might not hear from him again. However, I did.

( Read on to see what he said... )

So, you go out with somebody a few times. You obviously were interested in them enough for that second and third (or more) date(s), but something in those first few dates convinced you that you and this person are not meant for one another. They didn't do anything wrong, you're just not feeling a strong connection with them. How do you let down that person easy, being straightforward and avoiding leading them on, while also sparing their feelings?

This is something I've been considering a lot the past few days. My time with TheEngineer has been enjoyable, but in general I've not felt any romantic or physical sparks between us, and even if I had, he's such a terribble kisser that it would be a deal breaker for me. But he's a perfectly nice guy, one I wouldn't mind keeping as a friend if he's up for it. I certainly don't want to hurt his feelings, and telling him "I'm sorry, I can't date you, you're a horribly bad kisser, wanna just be friends?" just isn't necessary.

So, how do you nicely dump someone in the early stages of dating without hurting their feelings?

( Read on to find out... )

Last night I had my third date with TheEngineer. Again, a very pleasant evening together, but again, I found myself questioning our physical chemistry. We met for dinner and had a nice meal with nice conversation, nothing stellar on either front, but it was all very pleasant. We'd planned on going to see a movie, but we had a substantial amount of time in between dinner and the movie, and since he lived just a few blocks from the restaurant, we decided to go to his place for a while.

OK, to be more accurate, I decided we should go to his place for a while.

( Read on to see how it went... )

I went on date #2 with TheEngineer last night. All told, it was a very nice date. We had fantastic Cuban food, and I was very proud of myself for finding a new restaurant for him to try that had so very many tasty vegetarian options for him (which, according to him, is a rarity with Cuban places). After dinner, we went bowling, which we were equally terrible at, running neck and neck in our suckitude throughout, making just as many gutter balls as strikes. We lightly flirted throughout the games, exchanging hugs after good frames, and light physical contact indicating we were fairly comfortable with one another (such as him putting a comforting arm around me as I mock pouted after guttering yet another ball).

( Read on to see how the date ended up... )