Checking my email today, I saw that I'd received a "wink" from someone on PayVanilla. I usually don't respond to winks (If you can't be bothered to take 30 seconds to write me a brief email, I generally won't be bothered to take 30 seconds to reply). I clicked the link in the email to see the sender's profile (because, let's face it... despite my aversion to online dating 'winks', if his profile is fabulous, I am going to reply). The guy is average looking, but what catches my attention is his profile's headline:


Either he's a gay Superman looking for a guy, or he is too poor a speller or too careless or too crappy of a Superman fanboy to realize that Superman's paramour was LOIS Lane, not LOUIS Lane.

Disqualified on account of stupidity.

-Vixen

Before meeting me, TheLibrarian had an interest in exploring the worlds of kink and swinging, so I've been enjoying slowly introducing him to those worlds, with which I am oh-so-familiar. We've been exploring BDSM-themed kink from spanking to rope bondage, we've shared lots of hot pillow talk about trysts involving extra people, and on Halloween, I took him to a large nightclub kink-themed party, where we got to see lovely ladies strapped to a St. Andrew's Cross and flogged on stage. This weekend, I took him to his first swinger house party.

( Read on to see how that went... )

TheLibrarian and I have been having fun as of late experimenting in the world of kink. He's inexperienced but naturally talented and very curious. After talking about it for a while, we decided to try a simple rope bondage contraption in a bondage book I have. But we had a learning curve to work at, because he's never tied anyone up with ropes before, and, well, neither have I - I've always been the one being tied up, so I don't know the techniques well enough to teach him. As we embarked upon our mission, we spent about a half an hour in supremely nerdy fashion, with the book spread out in front of us, each with a piece of rope in hand, trying, based on the photos, to master a simple lark's head knot, the basic knot needed for most of the setups in the book.

He seemed to struggle with it, but apparently practice makes perfect, because when he got around to actually trying to tie me up, he made quick work of the knots, and before I knew it, I was deliciously bound in a very helpless position, of which he took full advantage, much to my delight. He continues to surprise me with his natural talent for all things sexy.

After several very energetic hours, we collapsed together to fall asleep, and before long, TheLibrarian began to snore, a recent habit. I was spooned up behind him, with my arm thrown over around his chest. I started to lift my hand to nudge him awake, and in the dark it brushed lightly against him and he stopped snoring.

Ooh! Did I do that?

( Read on to see what happened next... )

I started chatting the other day with a new gent from PayVanilla who seemed affable and smart. When we chatted about what we do for a living, he told me he designs games. I asked what sort, and he explained, in as elementary terms as he could, that he designs superhero themed role playing games (think RPGs like Dungeons and Dragons). He was impressed that I knew what the hell he was talking about. I assured him that I Speek Geek (and while I don't play RPGs, I've dated enough geeks who did that I'm familiar with the genre).

I did a Wikipedia search on his game company, and sure enough, found his company's entry, which, under company history, mentioned his purchase of the company some years ago, and linked to his own entry.

( Read on for more... )

Half a year or so ago, I wrote about Tommy, the popular party boy who, after we became Facebook friends, confessed he'd always wanted to get to know me better but was intimidated by me (and his mis-perception that I was a dominatrix and was going to kick his ass). I haven't seen him since then, but have followed the goings on in his life as they appeared in my Facebook newsfeed.

( Read on to see the drama that followed... )

After our last encounter, it became apparent to me that it was time to cut TheWelder loose. He came into this thing with me having been receiving some sort of "training" in BDSM and being a Dom but with little experience, and was eager to explore. We were both very clear that whatever our chemistry might be, this was to be a friends-with-benefits situation, not a romantic dating situation.

So, after our last get together was kind of a dud because he psyched himself out, I figured he'd be eager to find a time to get together and try again. So when I talked to him a few days later and we talked about getting together again... I noticed he was fairly evasive about being nailed down to any one thing or another. He more or less was busy all weekend, but it turned out we were planning on going to the same potluck party (bARTender was planning on bringing him along), so we discussed seeing one another at the party and then hanging out at my house after the party ended.


( Read on to see how that went... )

Found online: a guy posts to an anonymous message board, asking for suggestions for a breakup text message to send his girlfriend. The replies are predictably rude and childish, full of nastiness towards the girlfriend, like "fuck you whore. it's over. go get tested. also, your mom/sister is a better bang. also, a bitchin tagteam."

And it went on this way for a while, until someone posted the best breakup line (and response to the posts before it) EVER:


Loved it! "Cock is my destiny" as a euphemism for "I've gone gay" was brilliant. Ahh, Internets, I love you.
-Vixen

Back in June, I encountered bARTender on BDSMsite, a kinky starving artist/bartender who freaked out and declined to meet me once he realized that we had mutual friends. After he took flight, I quickly put him out of my mind. So when he showed up at a party I threw recently, I didn't even realize it was him.

Here's how it went. Our mutual friend, John, was invited to a party I was throwing. When he arrived mid-party and introduced his friend, I (and many of the other guests) just assumed the man accompanying John was his date. I'm not close enough to John to be kept abreast of his breakups and new beaus, so I just assumed this was the flavor-of-the month. bARTender looks to be about the same general size, age, style, and attractiveness-level of men that John usually dates, so we all just assumed bARTender was his date (and therefore gay). It didn't even occur to me that his 'date' was actually the same bARTender I'd encountered online some months earlier - the photos he'd shared were a bit fuzzy, and frankly, he looked nothing like what I pictured from the photos I'd seen.

( Read on to see what happened... )

I've been seeing TheLibrarian for about a month and a half now, and so far, things are going swimmingly. We're still in non-exclusive land for the time being, but are really enjoying our time together. He is, as I've previously mentioned, still very fresh out of his marriage, and not settling immediately into another relationship is probably a wise idea. In addition to seeing me, he's been seeing another woman who's married and in an open polyamorous relationship, which makes for an interesting dynamic. I don't really see her as 'competition' in the sense that he's dating us both and trying to decide which of us he wants to "pick" for an exclusive long term relationship - as this other woman isn't available for that. He's not endeavouring to date anybody else, as between me and this other woman, he's got his hands quite happily full.

( Read on for more... )

When last I wrote, I’d just had my second date with TheLibrarian, which went much better than expected. While he was shy enough on our first date to be unsure if even a hug goodnight was OK, on our second date… well, once we were past the “first kiss” hurdle, all bets were off, and we had chemistry in spades, spending hours making out. I was impressed not only by our chemistry and his surprisingly passionate nature, but by the fact that despite the fact that we were alone on the couch making out for several hours in VERY hot and bothered fashion, he never once tried to “push the boundaries” and move our makeout session past just making out. That wins him major brownie points with me, and I was very much looking for our next date (which, I anticipated, would likely be the “bow-chicka-bow” date.

And oh, it was, it was.

( Read on for the juicy details )

This week's Unintentionally Hilarious Online Dating Profile comes to us from FreeVanilla. This guy seems to have real issues with capitalization (not to mention spelling and grammar).

This is his profile:

Journeys

.movies,travel anywere,sports,classic rock ,to retirer young and have fun untill i'm old i'm easy going type person who love's going to classic rock concerts and football games,traveling to the Beach and the Mountains and some Beautiful woman who Love's To Have Fun And A Good Time With The One They Really Want To Be WITH And No GAMES OR DRAMA!!!!!*****.

go out for pizza and a movie or play some pool go swimming or if you want to get romantic a candelit dinner for two with soft music in the back ground and some slow dancing with hot,hot,hott passion and romanace in the air OR What Ever The Lady I'm With Wants To Do So Lets Just Have Some Fun And Have A Great Time To Remamber As Years Gose By With A Real Nice Smile And A Sparkle In Our Eyes.

Not too egregious, right? But read the email he sent me, and I dare you, I DARE YOU to see if you can make it all the way through his message without your eyes bleeding.

( Read on for the... ow. )

My latest small world connection is of the sad variety. An old friend from high school IM'd me on Facebook the other day. He's someone I was never particularly close to, but he's a frequent (and entertaining) Facebook poster, and we've gotten in the habit of commenting on one anothers' posts frequently. He said he was feeling kind of down, and I asked why.

He said "Oh, I guess you haven't heard..."

( What hadn't I heard? )

The other day, I was sitting in a nail salon getting a manicure, when my phone rang. I looked down to see it was Craig. Now, he and I still keep in touch fairly regularly, but it's mostly online (or in person) - getting a phone call from him was unusual, so despite my occupied state, I answered. He told me he had a bit of juicy gossip for me. He was flipping through the local news online, and came across a surprising story that he just had to share with me...

Remember Frank, the little Asian guy who I encountered on SexSite but ultimately rejected prior to meeting, the little Asian guy who also was on Craig's kickboxing team?

Well Frank and his brother were arrested for a credit card skimming scam - as in they'd installed a device to steal peoples' credit card numbers when they swiped their cards at gas pumps.

Wow, well, OK then. Craig said it looked like I'd made a reeeeeally wise decision when I decided not to meet lil' ol' Frank.

I concur.

-Vixen

I had my second date with TheLibrarian Saturday night – it didn’t go at all as anticipated…

On our first date, which, as it turns out, was his first since splitting with his wife, he was (particularly at the end of the date) a bit on the shy and nervous side, unsure if it was even ok to hug me goodbye. I wasn’t sure yet whether this was due to the “hasn’t dated in 11 years” factor, or if he is just generally a timid guy when it came to matters of intimacy. Having had no physical interaction with him on our first date besides that hug goodbye, I had no inkling about whether we’d have any physical chemistry to augment the good interpersonal chemistry that was building between us, but experience has taught me not to get my hopes up, so my expectations were low for date #2.

( Read on to see how it goes )

Sometimes it amazes me, the sorts of offensive crap men will spout in their introductory emails. They'd never dream of saying these things to a woman they met, for example, in a bar, yet somehow they lose all common sense (and all semblance of internal filters) when they use these lines to contact a woman online.

Case in point, today's message from a genius on FreeVanilla:

Love your hair........and those eyes.......lips.......tongue......and last but not least......those gorgeous white breastssssss. Lets play!!


My reply:

No.

Not a chance.

You wouldn't walk up to a woman in a bar and say something like that, would you? You'd probably get slapped.

It doesn't work any better here.

You're offensive, and you'll never get a chance at these "gorgeous white breastssssss." So go away now, and don't come back.

-Vixen

My latest dating candidate is, as you might have guessed already, a librarian. He works at the library of a local community college, and knows a lot about a lot of things - which I dig. Geeky cute smart guys turn me on! We have a lot of common ground, which is good, but there are a couple of things that are potential cause for concern. First of all, he's very recently separated from his wife - as in his wife just moved out a month and a half ago (after a long period of looking for a place). On the subject of the cause of the split, TheLibrarian said this: "Well it all boils down to this. She is really, really into parrots. I'm not." The other concern is that he's on medication for depression. One of my oft-repeated relationship patterns which I am not eager to repeat is getting involved with men who suffer from depression. In fact, ever since Jerkson, psychiatric problems are generally an immediate disqualifying factor for me. BUT... I'm going to give TheLibrarian a chance and get to know him a bit better before judging on this one, because... my trouble with depressed men in the past has been that I have ended up involved over and over with men who struggle with depression, but are resistant to seeking treatment and/or medication for their chemical imbalance. Being involved with someone who chronically can't deal with his own shit is miserable.

However, in TheLibrarian's case, it seems far more likely that this was a situational depression caused by the miserable downslide of his marriage, and he got treated, got it under control, and got divorced. He said with meds and exercise, he does just fine. "Not living with parrots is helping a lot too."

So... I'm going to see how it goes.

( Read on to hear about our date... )

I just got this charming email on FreeVanilla:

Hey, I know I'm much too far away from you so that I probably won't even get a reply, and probably too young too, which is sad. I just wanted to let you know that you look absolutely awesome, I really love your hair and everything in your pics. I'm almost speechless :)

Kisses and all the best for you


Aww, well wasn't that nice? I couldn't tell from the email what he looks like or where he is, so I clicked on his profile hoping he's not so far or young...

...but Whoa.

Far and young is an understatement.

He is in Germany. And he's 18 - that is, if you believe his profile, because he damned sure looks more like 14. He's a very slender (and tall, if you believe the 6'3" on his profile) and pretty blond-haired boy... the first thing that came to mind when looking at his photos was "twink" (the term used in the gay community to refer to young slender prettyboys). The second thing that came to mind was that he looks like a long lost member of Hanson. Or like he aught to be hanging out with other young and emaciated boys in a calvin klein ad.

He's pretty, and I'm flattered, but even if he were local (and of verifiably legal age), I wouldn't be going there.

-Vixen

You know, even the most submissive of women don't generally want a guy to approach them for the first time by asserting the male's dominance and the female's worthlessness. I doubt BDSM's ever been more than a fantasy for this guy from SexSite:

His email:
I will send a face pick when ready slave, u do not bark orders to anyone...u need to be taught your place....i think that u have not been trained properly and need a good flogging to get your mind right maybe a little humiliation is in order and also alot of nipple torture to remind u of who is in charge of your pussy, ass, tits, and your mind.

My reply:
Hahahahaha that was funny.

No, not with you, now way, no how, not a chance, not going to happen.

-Vixen

Today’s winner contacted me via SexSite. He seemed to be a thoughtful and somewhat interesting chap with varied experiences and similar interests. He expressed an interest in finding a partner with whom he could explore tantra (a spiritual sexual practice of Eastern origin that involves multi-hour sessions with repeated and/or extended orgasms for both parties). I have some interest in tantra myself, so despite the fact that he says on his profile that he’s more or less “passing through” this area and will likely only be here a few more months, I thought at least talk to him and see if he might be worth meeting. As I’ve mentioned before, my sex life has had a bit of a dry spell lately, so the thought of taking on a new playmate for a few months with whom to explore tantra sounds like it could be very enjoyable for a time.

( Read on to see what happened... )